Take it and let it be.

Miles     

“Ever.”

There’s pain throbbing in my heart. I feel it deep down and it leaves its mark, it carves right through me, my heart, my soul. Before making my way down ‘til its heartbreaking end, I predicted it would have that resolution that goes easy and beautiful. I was right at some point, it did end beautifully for he did well after everything he had gone through but, I just could take the tragedy that caused pain to fill my heart.

I just finished reading A Million Little Pieces and, its one of those books that I’d live with. Everything about is so inspirational. It taught me a lot of things about oneself, family, friends, community, love, life, peace, determination, freedom, control and most of all, holding on.

I needed that kind of read and, I’m really glad I had yet another principle to stand up for. I love how Frey wrote this wonderful thing with words revolving in freedom and reality. I love how it opened up a new door in my life that’s filled with hope and love for myself. The words are so simple and true that I could almost take them out of there and take it in, directly into my system.

Pol Sci, dre.

Books are my boyfriends.

I don’t feel like writing today. Oh brother, who am I kidding? I just don’t have anything sensible to write since I’m out of my mind. I’m losing it. I’m losing my hands that were once unstoppable when it gets the feel of a pen and a paper, a keyboard.

I’d probably just read a book tonight ‘til I get heavy eyes. I’m halfway done with A Million Little Pieces. Cried twice already because of the very touching stories. I’m really glad I could use some of the book recommendations of bloggers here like, @whiteboards. Whenever I feel like buying a book, I always look at her blog and search for books to read.

The reason why I actually search books that are recommended by people is because I don’t read the summary or whatever it is that is written at the back of the book that I’m holding. I just read it when I’m done reading the whole of it. I know it’s weird but, I just don’t want to spoil my reading and it’d lose the excitement, the thrill, my curiosity.

And I must confess this, when I accidentally read anything from the back cover of the book, either a single world or what, I immediately close my eyes and curse myself. I just hate it when I’m going way too fast.

All throughout this summer was a blast for me and my books. They are truly my boyfriends— the boys that would never ever leave me. They are always there. They can always make me happy, make me cry whenever they touch the deepest part of my heart. They inspire me. They satisfy my every need. I just love them.

I love them that I’d gladly give up my last money for a copy of any.

Books are my boyfriends that I’d never ever dump nor, break up with.

meanwhile, inside the car...

long tiring day

I’m blogging all the way from the apartment that my Tito’s renting for my sister and my cousins just at the back of our school. Basically, it isn’t my school anymore since I’m going to study at UST in almost a week. It’s all just for the sake of convenience for my little cousins, thinking that 4 and 5 year old’s should be awake at 5 in the morning to be able to come to school in a 45-minute drive. It would probably drain them.

Anyways, this day is certainly tiring. I woke up at 5:30 and grabbed A Million Little Pieces. By 7 am, I changed my mind and just immediately brushed my teeth and then, changed my clothes, called a trike since our driver was at the church already and, I’m too lazy to get the keys and just drive myself. I didn’t bother to wash up anymore ‘cause I’m running late. I attended the Santacruzan for my little cousin, Rhys was one of the angels who’d go for procession. And I’m glad I had a good exercise!

Right now, I’m drained from going shopping for supplies and groceries. And it’s a good thing I brought my laptop cause the cable guy was just here a few hours ago and he placed the modem for connection, too.

Rhys calling out my name now, yelling actually. “Ate! Let’s eat na!”

Tummy growls. That’s just exactly what I’m needing as of this moment. 

I haven’t tried standing yet… Oh, wait.. I think I… Oh, nevermind! Hahaha! I miss you even more!!! We should go out real soon! Go book shopping or boy hunting! Love youuuuu, minger! :*

Because I love Zooey Deschanel so much! She’s so adorable and funny and, I love New Girl! I love Jess! <3

Papa’s 36 today!

Happy morning! :)

It’s my father’s 36th birthday today and I think we’d be heading off to Pampanga just to lurk around a bit. Last night, we made some cards and posted them on his drawers. The card that I did was… well, colorful. I’m not a very artistic person. I can’t even draw a straight line even if I’m already using a ruler. That’s how awful I am.

Anyways, I just wanna wish my Papa a HAPPY BIRTHDAY and may he have more of what he deserves. You rock, Pa! As in, you rock. Hahaha. I  admire the way we look when we’re in public places ‘cause it would seem like we’re just siblings. You’re just 20 years older than me and that’s just so cool. I’m very thankful for having you as my dad. Thanks for not punching my ex-boyfriend. Mwa!

loathing on no one

I don’t wanna be like the other girls who’d tell you how much I hate you for dumping me ‘cause honestly, I don’t. I have seen the brighter side and have understood the reason why you did that. It was for you, of course, for some selfish kind of reason but, I cannot take away the fact that it’s for the both of us, too. The way I treated you killed you and, I’m pretty much aware of that. I’m not saying that I did it on purpose, all I’m saying is that I’m aware that I’m hurting you, what I didn’t know is that you’ve suffered too much from my fucking unfair treatment. But it’s  all cool now. I don’t have the right to fuck your life now.

But that’s not what I really wanted to say, I just want to write about how other people could loath so much on their exes. I’m not denying the fact that I’ve already said how much I hate my ex but, it was just to let out all the bad feelings that was flooding my heart that time. I would never really mean that. I would never hate somebody that I have loved dearly before. On a second thought, I might, if the sin is just too grave that no man could ever accept it. But with loves comes acceptance.

Oh no, why did I even start this one? Now, I’m the one who’s left undecided.

I have me.

Soon enough, we all have to let go. We have to learn how to let go. I am not in the right position to say things about this but, I’m making this as my motivation. My motivation that could help me do the things that I should have done a year ago. There’s no way I’m letting myself be eaten up by this part of my life for the rest of the days that I’d be living.

Soon enough, we all have to move on. we could always start fresh, start new. It’s a shame to see yourself trapped and still crying over the same things that hurt you and torture you, when on the other side of your broken story, the person you once loved lives a happy life, a perfect life. You do not want to feel even more depressed, move on. But some of us tend to hold on a little longer to ease the pain and still try to gain what was long gone, I understand those people. I was one of them. I’d be a coward if I’d tell you that I am not like them now, I am, somehow. Maybe because we had something more than a relationship, we had the bond that nobody could beat. We were more than best friends, we treated each other as gods.

Soon enough, we’d realize that maybe it isn’t just worth it. It isn’t worth our time. It isn’t worth our life. It isn’t worthy of us. Remember that things go accordingly to what we do, we might have done something wrong but, blaming it all to ourselves won’t be the best thing to do. Apologize if you can. Be friends with no malice. Keep the distance still, you don’t wanna get attached again.

During the days that I fought for myself to continue to go on with the world that I have forgotten and turned my back on, I searched for someone to get strength from. The person that once had everything of me have disappeared and there’s one thing that gave me hope. It was the thought of having friends that I know that will stick up with me. And yes, they were there. Guiding me through, giving me the strength and helping me get through the depression and loneliness. It took me great disasters before appreciating them like I should have before this world of mine began.

I look up and, I realize that I have the best people in this world that pulls me through. They make me strong.

I cannot say that I have fully moved on and have let go. But as far as I’ve been doing, I guess I have. Because I tell it to myself, I live it. I don’t wanna cry myself to sleep anymore. I am not letting my past affect my present and my future.

I have myself and I am happy.

Move on. Let go.

Easy steps, when you take them with the people who deserves you.

I wonder how I’ve managed living without you and, amazingly surviving still. The moment we finally decided to go different paths, I thought I’d lose my mind and give up on life. I nearly gave up on myself. but I had one thing in mind, it was for you to suffer and regret. That was just so wrong ‘cause at the end, right now, I’m the one who’s suffering and regretting and feeling all the shit that I could possibly feel.

And I know I shouldn’t be making another post about this. Sam, shut up now.

eh kasi walang kuryente

We were watching American Idol Grand Finale earlier this morning and, just when the Ford commercial was on-going and Colton was just coming  out from the tunnel with all of him being so gigantic a terrible thing happened. THE ELECTRICITY WENT OUT.

I was so so so mad that I was growling and shouting my heart out. I threw pillows all over. Jumped up and down! I was really, really screaming super loud!!!

I walked and walked and walked and walked and finally had an idea!

Called out our driver real fast! And made him drive me and my sister, step mom and brother to Ate Carla’s house which had generator!!! It’s about 4 baranggays away from our house. BUT NOTHING WILL STOP ME! NO ONE! NOT EVEN ELECTRICITY! NOTHING CAN STOP ME FROM WATCHING AMERICAN IDOL LIVE!!!!!!

But it was just a sad news. A bad news that made me even more proud. Jess all the way!

Ola! Finally had some balls to make my schedule! I am obviously getting addicted to Aztec patterns! WHY AM I SO GIRLY? Think I’m growing some hair…

And, any suggestion to what I should put on the other lower portion? :)

new theme

New theme! But oh, that ugly right side.. But I think it’s enough for me, I like gray and pastel pink! <3 This theme is pretty girly, I know and it doesn’t even suit my personality but meh, who cares?! Me likey likey!

WHY AM I EVEN TALKING LIKE THAT???

But I’d like to extend my deepest gratitude to DON UYCANA (@lugawhindisabaw) who made my previous theme! Thanks, Doooon!