I am but a rusty pen waiting to be cleansed. On the verge of losing myself in the deep spell of sleep. I'm the modern day Maleficent. Kidding, I'm Sofia Masa Hosef A. Sembrano, but my friends call me Sam, my boyfriend calls me baby, babe, love and whatnot. I'm an avid fan of Mean Girls, and I am proud to say that I am one. I'm a dickhead, if it isn't obvious yet.
I believe in this quotation from Paulo Coelho so much. I have been there for him, and I know I will never leave him. Through whatever, and whenever, I see to it that he knows that I got his back, always ready to catch him. I’m aware that his dream could destroy him in every aspect of his life: physically, emotionally, psychologically, even spiritually at times. His dream has tested him, and us, but there’s no reason to keep him from fulfilling his dream and making him happy.
Yes, I worry a lot especially when I can’t be there to support him physically whenever he has competitions. Plus, he tells me he doesn’t want me to be there because then he’d be all nervous and wouldn’t be able to focus. That happened once, the first time I watched him compete in Manila. He didn’t win, I guess he was really too nervous. I haven’t seen him fight since.
It’s a wonder how he found out that fighting is his passion, for six months we didn’t talk and then he’s all at it- mixed martial arts. It was like magic- witnessing him transform and become the best person he could be. He has changed so much and I love him still. I love him always.
Other people might see him as too ambitious, too risky, too dreamy, but I don’t see it that way, because I see him strive every single day to reach his dreams, and every day he is a step closer to his dreams. And I have never been more proud of him. I am so proud of him, and I will never get tired of supporting him, and being his rock.
I am blessed to have this kind of man in my life, and to be his inspiration is an honor.
I don’t know. I miss my boyfriend, again…as always. He said he’s coming home this weekend, and honestly, I feel like floating. The month of being with him almost everyday made us overly-attached again to each other, that’s why we are having this separation anxiety even though we’ve made it through a year rarely seeing each other because of college. I’m staying in Manila, while he’s studying in the City of Pines… And I AM SO JEALOUS OF HIM!!!!!!!!! He gets to stay in a cold cold place while I suffer flooded Manila :(((((
Lately, I always tell him I want to move there but he keeps on insisting on not throwing away this big opportunity in my hands, that is UST. Duh? I know, I just can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him, being the best lawyer I can be and having little cute kids. Ughhhhh…
Very well, I just have to endure another year more, and another, and another, and another, and another… I don’t know how long, actually. But I know I don’t have to worry because there’s nothing to be worried about. And I’m not just making myself believe, I know. We know.
So, I get to see my Matthew this weekend. And I just can’t wait.
It was an advance celebration, only with people who are close to her heart. The event turned out as a success, and it’s really good to feel that our surprises for her were the bomb!
Her real birthday is in a few hours, so…
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST MARJUNETH! LOVE YAHHHHH XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
So, we spent a month of our break in Macau, China! It was my first time to fly outside the country, and I guess my dream of travelling the world someday was again ignited. Photos coming up!!!
Manila at night 🌝
Disneyland Adventure 🎠🎡🎢🎪
checked-in at Venetian Hotel in Macau for three nights 🌃
Ocean Park HK
Taken while having dinner at the Macau airport before our departure
So many more photos but I’m too lazy to do a decent blog about it, this won’t pass to decent even hahahaha =))
For some reason, I woke up today feeling a bit different. A bit pumped, I may say. I first wanted to workout again after yesterday’s struggle, but I felt pain residing upon my big butt and my fat legs. So, I just decided to write something after a long while.
Since it’s vacation, and I have spent a third of it in Macau, I guess I really should give time for writing leisure again. I may have forgotten how to use words, maybe I already did, but at least let me try.
I have been spending quite a number of days with my one and only, Matthew. It has been nothing but pure exuberance every single time. Although it pains me that I cannot put into words the ecstasy I am in whenever we’re together, I hope these pictures would suffice. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.
Quirky as we are, I cannot ask for anything more. Well, maybe except for more days with him since he had already spent almost all the days of his break. It would kill me to see you go to Baguio again, love. A month will never be enough for me to pamper you, cuddle with you and do the things we’ve always loved to do. Soon, I will again miss you, and the bubble of our little world of love and happiness.
That’s it, my life as of today.
My heart deserved to be broken, but I’m glad we’re patching up things now.
Hello, babe. I don’t intend for you to read this but I’m really happy right now. I’m happy about this part of my life- where and who I am right now; where and who you are; and where and what we are.
I don’t know how to describe us, honestly. We’re the best of friends, we’re brothers and sisters. We’re lovers and we’re two individual souls journeying towards our ultimate selves.
But I can try describing you…
I really miss writing and since it’s Christmas day (yes, it still is, even though we all could hardly notice it), I am gonna try to write something about my life at the moment.
My friends/followers on various social networking sites might wonder why I’ve been constantly uploading photos of me and my beloved Matthew. Well, I don’t need to explain this, but since it brings me joy and giddy feelings, I think it would be nice to talk about it. The news of me having the strongest emotions for Matthew is not new anymore. I mean, I have loved him since day 1. Yes, I have loved him since day 1. I did not intend to, I did not teach myself to love him. It just happened. Instantaneously.
The first time we talked, I did not know that I was gonna fall for him, and stay with him for five years like we were really made for each other. I did not plan for us to last long, but it happened, and that is what I’ve been thankful for for the past five Christmases.
We actually don’t get along all the time, we break up, fight, make up, ignore each other for six months and fight the urge to be with each other in those moments of happiness and suffering and torture. We needed that. We were growing fast on separate paths. We wanted different things. But in those six months of not talking, becoming strangers, I have grown roots once again that connected to the inner him. There were ties that never broke, of course. Our memories were carved in our trunk, our bark preserved the love.
I am not ignorant of what other people might have to say. I have been despicable in everyone’s eyes. I have made mistakes, and so did he. I am still jealous, and so is he. In those six long painful months, I fell more and more in love with him. He was striving, he was working hard. I was hesitantly happy for him.
And now, after almost two years of that six months where our relationship fell and got shattered into pieces, we are picking them up, and solving the puzzle. I know we’ll get where we deserve to be. He was patient with me, and I need to be patient for him, too.
I have waited for almost two years, what’s a few more?
Merry Christmas everyone! :)
Post Fifth Anniversary
Having this man back in my life is the greatest gift I have ever received. I never thought of talking to him again, spending time with him, going out, watching movies, doing the things we have been doing for years together, coming back to life after a tragic break up.
I don’t want to dwell in the past. What’s important is what we have today as great friends. I am happy with him and I know he is, too. As partners, this time of our relationship has been our best together. I have learned how to become a good friend and a good lover at the same time. The chains that were once around his neck is now loose. I have become the most supportive person I could be, and I have never been happier in my life seeing him happy and at ease, too.
On the other hand, Matthew has become the person he never thought he could be. He is now more caring and loving, not only to me, but to his family, as well. It pains me seeing how far he is now from his other friends, that I make sure he still has someone beside him, supporting him and looking after him. Matthew has become the best and the busiest, too, balancing his academics and his dream.
I don’t think it is legal for me to post this but hell, this is worth the risk. It makes me happy when people ask him if we’re back together and he replies, “Ok lang. Pwede rin”. Then, he grins. Hahahaha
I love you, unconditionally, Matcho! :*
Well, my secret is almost out.
Okay, I know not all of you would care. But I have been at my happiest state for more than a year now. I might be suffering, enduring all kinds of embarrassment and humiliation, but it’s all worth it. I am happy now. I can be happier, but I am still so grateful for just feeling this happiness right now.
I don’t know why it is just now. But it does not matter because I choose to feel the happiness and hell yeah, I’m giggling while typing this because even the tip of my fingers feel the chuckle inside me, the happiness springing.
Hahahahaha I think I’m going crazy.
Why do we pretend to be sad and depressed, when in fact, we are not? Don’t we just long for happiness? Yet when it’s in our hands, we throw it away in search for something that could tear us down. It’s crazy. I don’t ever want to be sad. I don’t want to sing blues, but do you? Do you want to be trapped in that stance, unable to look on the brighter side of things, of life? If you’re happy, then so be it. If you have the opportunity to be happy, stand by it. It might vanish, but at least, you felt happy- alive.
I’m posting this just now because I have to let him read it first, before anyone else (aside from my professor).
“Irrevocably beautiful” is how I want people to remember me. This is my life’s mantra. As a little girl, I’ve always wanted to be ahead of everybody. I may not be given the most adorable face, but I made sure I was something to be remembered. Was I envious? Was I insecure? I know that I am not. The charm people said I’ve always had was one of the things I value in my life. As a teen, my aim is to leave a legacy. To my friends, I’m the funny one. To my family, I’m the thoughtful one. To my high school, I’m the girl who has it all. I was a star, a supernova. I had the crown on my head, the queen in high school. But that’s not just what I’m aiming for, I want to be something more than that—I wish to be irrevocable.
Nothing can change me and the footprints I have left. Whatever memory I may have given to someone, I want it to stay that way and I want that someone to remember me that way. The thing that actually scares me is the thought of being forgotten, buried under millions of worthy memories and together with senseless things. I wish to be remembered through my deeds, my laughter, my voice, my writings, my fashion sense, my wit, and my totality. I am one but I am many, too. One person might describe me as nice and jolly, but the other will see me as mean and vain. I agree to both and I won’t deny that I am more of the latter. However these friends and family of mine would describe me is all me.
I am beautiful. It does sound cliché and arrogant, but I still do believe that I am. The passion and faith that I have on becoming beautiful helped me to achieve the beauty that I radiate today. Beauty, not centering on physical alone, but more of the beauty in life. In my everyday living, I seek for the beauty in everything. The beauty in everything always pushes me to get through the day looking on the brighter side. It is the kind of beauty and goodness that accompanied me to stay strong and optimistic, despite the million reasons that could keep me from smiling. The reason of beauty is what I want to tell the world, the secret I need to share.
Death scares me. The idea of death gives me chills. The thought of me gone, buried, lifeless, pale, useless, breathless, dead is painful and agitating. If I am to die soon, I want the people closest to my heart to remember me in those two words aforementioned. Irrevocably beautiful because I am and will be. My legacy shall remain and be eternal, and the beauty that I have shared shall be passed on.
Irrevocable is I, beautiful is life.
I hate how I always start writing with “I”. It just shows how consumed I am with myself. Perhaps, I am obsessed about myself, and I’m not even afraid to admit it. Crazy how every conversation I start begins with things about me- anything I can connect to, and anything that tells something about me.
They say talking about yourself boosts your confidence, but I guess I have enough of it to live. I like talking about myself, probably because I know myself. I know what I want, what I feel, and what I want you to know about me. To some, it might be some kind of arrogance, or it’s just me trying to show-off. Though, I am rest assured that once I share to you a part of me, it is nothing but the truth.
Conceited, maybe. I really don’t know, but I have grown having the good perception about my own being. I am not saying that I am perfect for I am nowhere near that concept. All I want to stretch here is the belief that I am worthy to share. My stories are worthy of being laughed about, thought of, and handed down.
I am something else.
I am someone you will never understand. The girl who will drive you crazy, destroy your sanity. (Okay, that was a bit exaggerated) But I really think that I am becoming weirder and weirder every day, and I think that is good. I never wanted to be eaten by this fucked up system, anyway.
Although most of the time, I think I have gone madly in love with myself, I cannot deny the fact that I am happy about it. It’s a good kind of self-love, try it.
I almost forgot how amazing it was to hear even just a single praise about how I put into words my thoughts and my life. Yesterday, as I was handling some test papers to my Philosophy professor, he smiled and said, “I enjoyed reading your essays. You write so good.”. I was dumbfounded, I just expressed my gratitude on his compliment. It has been ages since the last time I received a compliment from someone who knows a million things, and I being just a student, no intimidation. It was really weird for me ‘cause men don’t usually enjoy what I write, but he did, and it really made me happy.
It’s 11 and I’m not yet asleep. And I’m sure you don’t want to know why but it’s because of a petty fight I had with him before he went to sleep earlier this evening. He just made me feel so afraid of what might happen in the future. He told me a certain thing about him following his natural ways. I am not to tell you what it is, so let’s just keep it vague. It’s actually not a big deal, I’m just overreacting because the thought haunted me. And it’s because I miss him, terribly. And I just can’t stand it anymore. I want to come see him. I’m in the right mind to know that it’s not gonna happen soon enough but I’m wishing it could. I’m getting no better without having him around. I feel alone and vulnerable.